We had been enjoying most of Dirty Dancing, when the big, Baby-Loves-Johnny-in-his-bedroom scene approached.
"I'm scared!" Miles said more than once.
"Why? Because Johnny isn't kissing Baby back?" I hadn't noticed before, but Patrick Swayze averts his eyes and keeps his hands in his pockets when Jennifer Grey starts making her move.
"No," Miles whispered, "My penis is going up."
"Really?" I asked, trying to keep my voice quiet. "That's interesting."
A few seconds later Miles started to chant quietly, "Weewax your body, it will all be OK."
The next day, in the car on the way to a sleigh ride event, I got lost and turned around in a stranger's driveway.
"I'm scared!" Miles said.
"Scared because we don't know this house, or scared like your penis is going up?"
"Oh ma!" Miles said, slapping his knee, "My penis goes up only when I see people with no clothes on or kissing!"
5 years, ten months.

"What does 'spoil your appetite' mean?" Miles asked this morning on the way to school.
I explained it was when you filled up on snacks right before dinner.
"Moms get mad when that happens," my nearly six-year-old said.
Yes, I agreed.
"Hey Miles, do YOU know what it means to spoil a baby?"
"Um,' he said wistfully, "kill the baby?"
I've read both of our copies of Siblings Without Rivalry.
Starting to think I might need something more potent.

See what happens when you never take your kids to church?
Another Friday night, saved by my five-year-old.

You Say Bikini

Miles and Charlie were battling with each other for legroom in the supermarket shopping cart.
Charlie was whining, Miles was ruthless. We were collecting stares, and causing traffic congestion near the deli meat display. It was Friday afternoon.
"Mommy, Charlie's gonna squish your bikini!" Miles shouted.
"WILL YOU TWO STOP THIS FLIPPING FIGHT----" I shouted back, then stopped as I absorbed what my five-year-old had said.
I spied two cucumbers that were about to get pounded by my littler son's size 8 winter boots.
I rescued one cuke, and in a much nicer voice, I asked, "You just call this a bikini?"
Miles nodded nervously. He knew he was off the hook, but he didn't know why.
Like me, Miles has a hard time discerning between cucumbers and dark green summer squash.
He was trying to say zucchini.